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Moms can have tantrums too.

 You know. I think even the best of moms have tantrums. After a full day of kids having them, being treated like crap, cleaning the same thing 20 times and it still being dirty again when you leave and come back.... Well its stressful and I think I am allowed to feel, stressed.

 So today the stress hit. Christmas is almost here. I want to be able to get my children everything they ever wanted, and more. I know this is not possible. I want them to be able to appreciate that I do what I can do, and above. I want them to realize Christmas is not about presents, but about giving and sharing and love and so much more.

 My kids thought throwing things would be awesome today. They threw a permanent marker and then it got on my wall. This set me off. My living room was trashed, after I had it vacuumed and picked up, my kitchen looks as though no one ever cleans it although I had been in there 10 times or more today. I just lost it. I have that right to lose it now and then. I told them I wished they cared about my things and I wish they would think before they do dumb shit. Its true I do.

 Now let me just say I have said worse, and they too, have said worse. So this is not the first time I have lost my temper, or yelled, or gotten pissy. I hear "Mom is always cranky on the holidays"

 No. Mom is cranky when all day she's said "Don't do that" and all day people do it anyway. Mom is cranky when all day she's up and about cooking cleaning letting dogs out doing chores while others sit around and do nothing. Mom is cranky when at 9pm when its all said and done someone asks for a chore to do to get money for something. Mom is cranky that no one sees her working hard and asks to just help out. That. Is why mom is cranky.

 So of course, I throw my fit, and now my children, well FML they are putting all out there. Probably calling dad and telling him how mean I am. What a hateful mother I am, and what a shitty job I do. Again its fine for them to throw tantrums and complain about how hard life is, but if I do it, well then its their fault and I am once again, a horrible mother for doing so.

 I would not change what I have for a damn thing. I love my kids. I love my home. I love my friends and my family... I just wish now and then someone could see things from my point of view, or just listen. I want to be loved too, I want to be appreciated, I want my things to be appreciated and taken care of. That is all. I want to be able to have a tantrum too. Because it helps.

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