I find myself rarely on the computer. with a "Smart phone" Everything I normally do online, can be done on it... So I use it instead. I of course could even blog on it, but its a bit hard to type on... and well we all know how long and ranty my blogs become... Hard to do on touch screen.
SO how is life? Well its going. I wouldn't say it's at its lowest, but its certainly not at the highest point either right now. My children are all doing really well, getting along better than normal actually. Fall break went by without many issues or much boredom. They went back to school and are all getting good grades, Hannah got the ALL A's Award! So I really can't complain much there.
Its all personal things that are troubling me. My moms Ex. I am caught in the middle. Whenever he would call it was to whine/complain/cry about my mom. I got tired off it and now I am just not answering his calls. I told him I still wanted to be in his life, and I do, but not if he's drinking and using my shoulder to cry on, and nothing else. I want to be his friend still if he's going to be sober and talk about recipes and good deals at walmart and stuff we used to talk about... Not my mom.
Then there is my mom. I have to say I guess looking at the situation now I am a bit preterbed with her as well. She left him, and is now with a new guy. She says he makes her happy and she seems happy and that makes me happy... but I still think WOW. Its crazy that she was with Don for so long and able to just drop him like a rock and move on. The whole restraining order thing and him going to jail seems so unfair. He said stuiped things but I doubt he would ever follow through... and then of course there are the constant excuses. She is always going to do something and then ends up not. I had a hard time getting excited about our Silver Dollar City trip until we were ON our way to her house to get her... I Just figured she'd have other things come up or not feel well like usual. Hannah wants to stay the night with her, something she's never done. All her friends stay with their grandparents, and Hannah wants to do that. She had told Hannah she could but now she's asking if I think its a good idea "Because of Don" Um DON knows where I LIVE he has no clue where you live now... so how is this an issue? Just an excuse probably. I don't know.
Then there is teenager stuff. Private stuff. Probably bad parenting on my part I am sure... and if certain people find out oh they will just have a hay day on my ass. (and no she's not pregnant) You know once they are over the age of say 5, you just cannot be there to supervise every moment of every day of their lives. You have to give them freedom, even when grounded I mean they use the toilet and sleep alone... And things can happen in that time. Things you cannot control, things that will make you crazy. Things you wish you could make not happen, pain you wish you could take away... but the thing is... You can't. They have a life to live and you have to let them live it. You can guide them, direct them and hope... but you can't make decisions for them, and you cannot watch over them 24/7. Mistakes will be made. Dumb choices are going to happen. Things out of your control... Its hard. This mom thing is hard. It gets harder everyday.
We are signing the kids up for camp this summer. I hope they get in. I hope they all get in for the same week session. What would I do in my house, for an entire 7 days without children? Really. What would I do with myself? Sometimes just the afternoon alone in the house feels crazy empty. What will I do when they grow up and move away??? They make me crazy but just thinking about them leaving my nest makes me crazier!
So its basically life as usual. Work is the same too. I go in, leave my issues at the door and I am happy and nice and I care... It usually doesn't matter to anyone but my customers but that is why I am there anyway. Well that and of course the money :)
Speaking of work, its about time for me to return there for my double shift. Woot Woot!
SO how is life? Well its going. I wouldn't say it's at its lowest, but its certainly not at the highest point either right now. My children are all doing really well, getting along better than normal actually. Fall break went by without many issues or much boredom. They went back to school and are all getting good grades, Hannah got the ALL A's Award! So I really can't complain much there.
Its all personal things that are troubling me. My moms Ex. I am caught in the middle. Whenever he would call it was to whine/complain/cry about my mom. I got tired off it and now I am just not answering his calls. I told him I still wanted to be in his life, and I do, but not if he's drinking and using my shoulder to cry on, and nothing else. I want to be his friend still if he's going to be sober and talk about recipes and good deals at walmart and stuff we used to talk about... Not my mom.
Then there is my mom. I have to say I guess looking at the situation now I am a bit preterbed with her as well. She left him, and is now with a new guy. She says he makes her happy and she seems happy and that makes me happy... but I still think WOW. Its crazy that she was with Don for so long and able to just drop him like a rock and move on. The whole restraining order thing and him going to jail seems so unfair. He said stuiped things but I doubt he would ever follow through... and then of course there are the constant excuses. She is always going to do something and then ends up not. I had a hard time getting excited about our Silver Dollar City trip until we were ON our way to her house to get her... I Just figured she'd have other things come up or not feel well like usual. Hannah wants to stay the night with her, something she's never done. All her friends stay with their grandparents, and Hannah wants to do that. She had told Hannah she could but now she's asking if I think its a good idea "Because of Don" Um DON knows where I LIVE he has no clue where you live now... so how is this an issue? Just an excuse probably. I don't know.
Then there is teenager stuff. Private stuff. Probably bad parenting on my part I am sure... and if certain people find out oh they will just have a hay day on my ass. (and no she's not pregnant) You know once they are over the age of say 5, you just cannot be there to supervise every moment of every day of their lives. You have to give them freedom, even when grounded I mean they use the toilet and sleep alone... And things can happen in that time. Things you cannot control, things that will make you crazy. Things you wish you could make not happen, pain you wish you could take away... but the thing is... You can't. They have a life to live and you have to let them live it. You can guide them, direct them and hope... but you can't make decisions for them, and you cannot watch over them 24/7. Mistakes will be made. Dumb choices are going to happen. Things out of your control... Its hard. This mom thing is hard. It gets harder everyday.
We are signing the kids up for camp this summer. I hope they get in. I hope they all get in for the same week session. What would I do in my house, for an entire 7 days without children? Really. What would I do with myself? Sometimes just the afternoon alone in the house feels crazy empty. What will I do when they grow up and move away??? They make me crazy but just thinking about them leaving my nest makes me crazier!
So its basically life as usual. Work is the same too. I go in, leave my issues at the door and I am happy and nice and I care... It usually doesn't matter to anyone but my customers but that is why I am there anyway. Well that and of course the money :)
Speaking of work, its about time for me to return there for my double shift. Woot Woot!
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