Fifteen Years Have Come and Gone...

Its unbelievable. I would like to avoid being a broken record on my blogs, but DAMN time flies. Above is my baby girl. She's about 7 months old there. She relied on me for her everything. I was who kept her clean, fed her, healed her boo boos. She came to me crying when she was hurt or scared. Back then I was her everything. I was her whole world.

Here is that same girl, not so chubby anymore. Not bald. I am no longer her life, she can make her own food, she cleans herself, and when she's hurt she doesn't cry. She doesn't come to me often anymore. She has friends that hear her problems, or issues. I am just a warm home to come to, a place to stay. I do still purchase most of the food she eats, but for the most part, she takes care of her self and no longer needs her mommy.

Fifteen years ago. I was sixteen years old. I was about to give birth. I was scared to death of course. I had read what I should expect, and I felt that I was ready to be a mom. I had always wanted to have children, maybe not quite so soon, but I felt I was ready. I was in love with her daddy, we had a home together, her bedroom was all ready and I had diapers and bottles and all the things I needed.

 Labor was not easy. Again I was only sixteen. This was all crazy and new. I was in labor for 36 hours, finally getting an epidural for the last 8 or so hours I believe. Friends came to visit after school, thinking I had had the baby, suprised to see me still laboring. I sent most of them out of the room, afterall I did not feel much like company. I had not slept the entire labor, not one wink... but the moment they told me that I could push and would soon be meeting my baby girl, I gave it all I had.

 As a young mom I thought that my doctor, the one who had checked me every month, then every two weeks and then weekly would be there, by my side the entire labor... I thought she would have at least been there the entire time I pushed. That is not how it works. After I had been pushing for what seemed like forever, and the head was finally starting to show with pushes... Then and ONLY then, did they even ring my doctor. The nurse told me not to push and she was going to call. I wanted this baby out, after 36 hours of this who wouldn't?? So I pushed anyway. The nurse noticed when she returned. Oops.

 Once my doctor got there, I think I only had to push about 10 times and there was my baby. She didn't cry and they went over to the little bed with her, and about 10 nurses came rushing into the room. Suddenly all the pain I had felt, it was gone, I thought nothing of someone being down in my private area fishing around... Nothing mattered but her. "Why isin't she crying??" I asked this over and over, and no one would tell me. Finally after what seemed like forever they brought Destiny to me, for just a moment. I got to hold her and she was perfect. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen in my life. That has not changed, she is still beautiful.

 They took her from the room, and I did not get to see her again until almost 9pm. My friends were all there, gathered around the bed, and passed her around as if she were the next big thing. The visit from friends was short, visiting hours were over, so I was left alone with this beautiful bundle and I was a mom. She was mine. I was only sixteen and I promised her that I would do the best I could. I would not leave her with my own mother to be watched, she was my child, not anyone else's and I would do what was best for her, and try to protect her as best I could.

 Destiny grew quickly. She was the most amazing thing to all my friends for about a month. Then they all went on with the teenage life, while I was stuck at home being a mom. I watch that show sometimes, 16 and pregnant and I hear the moms cry about how they have no life or how hard it is... For me, I did not mind giving up my own life. I did not compleatly give it up either. I still went and did things, but Destiny went with me. I took her to the movies, skating, to the park the lake all the things I wanted to do, I brought Destiny, and her diaper bag. Sure sometimes I regretted not getting to go to prom, or to some party but I never thought it would be any better than what I got to do. I got to stay home and raise a beautiful baby girl.

 Destiny learned to roll around 4 months. She was so "portly" that rolling was easy for her. She rolled all over the house. She got into things. Her first words were "Whats that?" She wanted to know everything right now. She wanted to learn. She was so smart. She was walking by 10 months and would chase the cat outside "Kii kiii mooooowwwww mowwwww" When we went to the zoo she thought all the animals were cats. I soon started teaching her animal sounds and she knew them all. Friends would try to stump her "What does a DONKEY SAY???" But she knew it was EEEEE AHHHHHHH.

 When she was about 2 we moved to Arkansas, soon after I had her baby sister I had to go to work. Destiny had always been with only me. The transition was very hard on her. For the first month she did nothing but cry. And for about 4 months she would only talk to or play with the teachers. She finally made a friend and learned to spell her friends name, before her own. She was always talking, always interested in everything. I swore she was going to be a palentologist because she loved rocks. She would come home with pocket fulls from day care.

  Destiny has grown more beautiful every day and today she is a beautiful young woman. She is very respectful to adults who are not her parents, she is almost always happy, and she lives life to its fullest. She's had some rough things happen to her in her life, and she takes it in stride and marches through like a trooper. She amazes me still to this day with many of the things she does. I have to say I think she has grown into a fine young lady. I would like to take the credit for her, but I really believe that kids grow up to be who they are not entirely from the parents raising. 

 Anyway enough about her... I am freaking out. Do you KNOW what I did at fifteen? Hmmmmm. Obviously since I was pregnant I did some not so great things.She tells me often that "I'm not going to be stupid like you and get pregnant" But up until I turned 15 you would have NEVER guessed me to be that pregnant teen in school either. I can only hope she's learned from my mistakes, and I can only hope that if it does happen, either now or years from now I can handle it well like my mother did. 

 So Happy birthday to my bright, beautiful, happy, young woman. Stay sweet, strong and caring and keep standing up for yourself. I hope you go far in life, and never stop reaching for your dreams to come true. I love you Destiny Lynn, with all my heart, and all my soul. I love you more today then I did the first time I saw you, and on that day I never thought I could love you more. Your amazing, your special, and I am so happy that God blessed me with such a wonderful daughter.