Skip to main content

It's cute

It's cute how I used to think this barely holding it together feeling was temporary.

So blogs. I can never focus on it. I want to keep a running log of this crazy life and then the craziness makes that impossible or seem so.

In May, 2 months ago I got divorced. Just shy of 17 years married it was final. It was ultimately my choice, I paid for it, and I'm not at all unhappy I did it. However that does not in any way, shape, or form mean that it was EASY for me. It's still not easy.

Let's just start with this evening for example. Son has friends over and wants to play his video game. However we have 1 tv and it's in the girls room. He had a monitor a while back and smashed it when he got angry btw.

So he finds someone to loan him a monitor and now he needs a jump drive to update said game. It's 10pm I work at 8. I'm in bed  but I look for a jump drive. Can't find one. Sorry. Then the wifi won't work well it's out power won't come on to it  not much I can do. Agian sorry.

I get back into bed and he comes and tells me that "I am still his son" And I shouldn't be treating him different now that I and his dad are separated. I ask how I'm treating him different and he has no examples to give.

Does anyone call Dad and make him feel like an asshole? was he messing with the wifi or looking for a jump drive or running you to Walmart or any of that??? nope.

So here I now sit at 11pm feeling like a peice of shit once again. Some days I feel good.... So fucking good. I never regret the choice I've made but shit sometimes I feel like a microwaved dog turd on a stick.

I'm sorry I cant fix the wifi and I won't be able to until payday either if I can then. Sucks. I'm sorry you can't play your game with your friends.... Meanwhile I'll get another 5 hours of sleep and work the next 13 days in a row to make sure the lights water and gas stay on.... You're welcome.





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Its not always 50/50

 Sometimes one person has to hold up more weight than the other does. Lately I feel as though I am that person holding the extra weight. Lately I have been wishing I was not that person. I feel like I am being spread a bit too thin... I also feel like no matter how many times I try to explain myself, it does not matter.  So I will just keep waiting, and hopefully eventually someone will come and take a few books off of my stack. Take a load off. Help me out. Chip in. You get it? I am sure you do. Now if only other people did as well.  God doesnt give you more than you can handle. I wonder sometimes if He thinks the load he's giving me is being more evenly distributed than it is... Maybe he can review my case :)
4 comments
Read more

8 years at the same job!

 I will say this about my work. No matter what is said, word gets around. Words also get twisted and changed, and rumors fly like well I don't know kites? I think co-workers are like a second family, not like to the point where you want to invite them over for Thanksgiving dinner... More like your around them enough that you are more than likely to have seen a bad side of them, and learned some annoyances. Chances are they were grumpy or depressed or pissed at some point and you have seen them at their worst. I think that makes it easier to get under each others skin and become annoyed. You get annoyed, you get over it, you move on. Your still co workers and you still get through. Like family, there are spats, you get over it move on and after it all your still family.  So do I always love my co workers or getting up early, or when someone is rude to me, or when I don't make any money... OF COURSE NOT. I have good days and I have bad days. Today it was raining, I would have ...
4 comments
Read more

Done Growing

 Well soon enough it will be the start of a new school year. Sooner for my younger two, than for my older two. So today we went to get a few things that will be needed. Some shoes, socks and backpacks. Mommy needed a new pair of shoes too, I wear mine out pretty quickly being on my feet as a waitress.  So my son is about the pickiest shoe person out there. Nothing fits. We have to try on like every.single.shoe. in his size before he can choose. Its irritating and stressful. Hannah was pretty easy although she did not take the cheaper "on sale" pair I liked best. Either way she was quick and painless.  So then mom's turn. I put on a pair of 6.5 I wear those or 7's depending on the shoe. I wanted to try those new shoes with the curved bottom. Anyway... I get the 6.5 on and Hannah feels for my toes. "Oh you better get a size bigger" She says. "Those wont last the whole school year!" I told her I did not have to worry about outgrowing my shoes. My ...
Post a Comment
Read more