A big hairy messy life.
Don't get me wrong I'm thankful. I realize I have what others don't. I have a home a family a full belly pets and a job. I. Have a couple awesome friends and that makes me a millionaire by a lot of standards.
At the same time, I have an oldest child. Someone whom I dropped everything for. I stopped living my life as I knew it...and became "mom" for. Tell me today she doesn't want to live at home. Hates it in fact....and just being here daily laying in her bed....eating food that's been prepared for her...not worrying about a thing but getting up going to school.and. catching tthe bus home...some how just the sheer thought of those things ....DEPRESSES HER.
Of course knowing your child would rather live in a gutter, than your home, always makes you feel obligated for a mom of the year trophy. "Thank you, and. Thanks to my family for making it possible"
What the hell do I do? How do I NOT hold myself responsible for the fact that my nearly grown child ....the one about to set foot out on her own....to be a real Member of Society....cares about no one but her own self?
To come to me....and tell me she's PREGNANT to try to get her birth control removed, are you SERIOUS. HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW MANY PIECES OF MY HEART I HAD TO PICK UP OFF THE GROUND when I thought the story to be true? Or how much of a FOOL I felt when I knew it wasn't? I'm acctualy pretty sure I never fully believed the story anyway. How horrible is THAT?! To be a mother and not believe your own child?
I'm at my wits end. Honestly at the end of thr rope. There's an alligator pit down there and letting go seems like an easier solution than trying to hang on.
Comments
Post a Comment