Sounds like life to me.

A big hairy messy life.

Don't get me wrong I'm thankful. I realize I have what others don't. I have a home a family a full belly pets and a job. I. Have a couple awesome friends and that makes me a millionaire by a lot of standards.

At the same time, I have an oldest child. Someone whom I dropped everything for. I stopped living my life as I knew it...and became "mom" for. Tell me today she doesn't want to live at home. Hates it in fact....and just being here daily laying in her bed....eating food that's been prepared for her...not worrying about a thing but getting up going to school.and. catching tthe bus home...some how just the sheer thought of those things ....DEPRESSES HER.

Of course knowing your child would rather live in a gutter, than your home, always makes you feel obligated for a mom of the year trophy. "Thank you, and. Thanks to my family for making it possible"

What the hell do I do? How do I NOT hold myself responsible for the fact that my nearly grown child ....the one about to set foot out on her own....to be a real Member of Society....cares about no one but her own self?

To come to me....and tell me she's PREGNANT to try to get her birth control removed, are you SERIOUS. HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW MANY PIECES OF MY HEART I HAD TO PICK UP OFF THE GROUND when I thought the story to be true? Or how much of a FOOL I felt when I knew it wasn't? I'm acctualy pretty sure I never fully believed the story anyway. How horrible is THAT?! To be a mother and not believe your own child?

I'm at my wits end. Honestly at the end of thr rope. There's an alligator pit down there and letting go seems like an easier solution than trying to hang on.

Comments

Its not always 50/50

Sometimes one person has to hold up more weight than the other does. Lately I feel as though I am that person holding the extra weight. Lately I have been wishing I was not that person. I feel like I am being spread a bit too thin... I also feel like no matter how many times I try to explain myself, it does not matter. So I will just keep waiting, and hopefully eventually someone will come and take a few books off of my stack. Take a load off. Help me out. Chip in. You get it? I am sure you do. Now if only other people did as well. God doesnt give you more than you can handle. I wonder sometimes if He thinks the load he's giving me is being more evenly distributed than it is... Maybe he can review my case :)

8 years at the same job!

I will say this about my work. No matter what is said, word gets around. Words also get twisted and changed, and rumors fly like well I don't know kites? I think co-workers are like a second family, not like to the point where you want to invite them over for Thanksgiving dinner... More like your around them enough that you are more than likely to have seen a bad side of them, and learned some annoyances. Chances are they were grumpy or depressed or pissed at some point and you have seen them at their worst. I think that makes it easier to get under each others skin and become annoyed. You get annoyed, you get over it, you move on. Your still co workers and you still get through. Like family, there are spats, you get over it move on and after it all your still family. So do I always love my co workers or getting up early, or when someone is rude to me, or when I don't make any money... OF COURSE NOT. I have good days and I have bad days. Today it was raining, I would have ...

Done Growing

Well soon enough it will be the start of a new school year. Sooner for my younger two, than for my older two. So today we went to get a few things that will be needed. Some shoes, socks and backpacks. Mommy needed a new pair of shoes too, I wear mine out pretty quickly being on my feet as a waitress. So my son is about the pickiest shoe person out there. Nothing fits. We have to try on like every.single.shoe. in his size before he can choose. Its irritating and stressful. Hannah was pretty easy although she did not take the cheaper "on sale" pair I liked best. Either way she was quick and painless. So then mom's turn. I put on a pair of 6.5 I wear those or 7's depending on the shoe. I wanted to try those new shoes with the curved bottom. Anyway... I get the 6.5 on and Hannah feels for my toes. "Oh you better get a size bigger" She says. "Those wont last the whole school year!" I told her I did not have to worry about outgrowing my shoes. My ...

The oddly normal life of Clorie

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