Skip to main content

Crying over all I have left....

 Yesterday I ran around a bit with my mom, and the kids... Bailey told us about a dream he'd had the night before, he drove by papa Dons and he was in his back yard, stopped Bailey to get a hug and chat.... I was instantly jealous. I wished that had been my dream. I wish I could really have that. Just one last time, just enough time to make sure he knew what he meant to me all these years, and how much he taught me. Just a quick hug and chat.

 The other day at Hannah's award ceremony (all A honor roll GO HANNAH) I saw a family member who asked about my mom, and her new husband... Then mentioned how she'd never met Don and from what she'd heard she was grateful for it.  This hurt too, but both times I was able to keep myself emotionless. So last night at home, something made me think of Don and there I was a blubbering mess. Tim has no clue what my issue is and I can't seem to say it out loud. I miss Don. I don't know why I can say it online but not out loud. I have issues. Whats new.

 So tonight after cooking I got out by bag of spices he'd mixed up for me, for a roast. I never did make the roast, and the bag of spices is all I have left of him. So I held it and I cried and I opened it and closed it knowing I was touching where he had. Is it odd that I still miss him so much after this long? Is it odd that I don't want to admit it out to people who know me closely. Probably. I am odd.

 On lighter notes I painted my bathroom and its BEAUTIFUL :) I am very happy with how it turned out! Work is drama filled and slower than usual. Parent teacher conferences are tomorrow and I guess that's all I have to update about besides my woh is me stuff. Sorry about that.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

not everything i say requires a response.

 first off let me say, my shift key is not working so nothing is uppercase today. so sorry.   the new chick at work is driving me...crazy. short drive i know but even so. like seriously. crazy. she argues with everything, butts into any conversation started without her in it, and denies anything being done wrong. she's new, making a mistake is going to happen. if you do it, fess up, and get on. your not in trouble. shut up. quit denying it just say ok, and get on with life. it does not always require a response. just do it. or don't do it, whatever fits in the time. then i have customers like the lady today. she and her friends all got their pizzas. when i walked by i stopped to check on the table. i noticed that the lady was asking her friend to sniff her slice of pizza, of which she had taken one bite of. i asked if everything was okay 'it tasted funny when i took a bite' she says 'here taste it," she tries to get her friends to taste it, one sniffs and ...

some days

 The kids are just cute. I know I normally talk about how bratty they are. but today, well today they were just cute. All of them, even Destiny. Believe it or not.  Hannah came down the little car line to get into the van and she was smiling and so happy, and so dang cute. Promise had a friend over part of the day Bailey played mario and Destiny told me my shirt looked like a hobo shirt (it was Tims)  Today was just a good day. not sure what made it that way. the kids mostly got a long, there were a few SHUTUPS tossed out but for the most part it was pretty peaceful. I wish more days, were like today.  I went to Lowe's today to get a shelf thing to put in our laundry room. Its so exciting! TO think a shelf would be nice here, and then think YEAH, I'll put one in. See we can do that, cus we OWN our house! :) Its awesome!  I got a few more seeds today. Sweet baby peppers, zucchini and squash too. Yum. I really hope something grows this year. I am SO sore f...

Love the one your with.

 My mom and I were talking and lately her relationship is what I guess we could call complicated. During our conversation she stopped and asked me "Are you happy with Tim?" without hesitation I answered "yes".She told me that she knew he loved me and she was so glad I could be happy.  Later I was thinking about it. I have wondered is he "it" is he the one. How can I be sure, how is anyone ever sure? We have been together for almost 9 years now. Granted we've had our issues, but every night he comes home to me, and every morning he's next to me in bed. He loves me, he provides for me, and I love him and provide for him. Together we are raising four wonderful children.  Do I still get butterflies when he walks though the door? Well, honestly, no. Do I still miss him the moment he walks away... Again no, sometimes I am more than happy to see him leave for the evening and go to work... Does that mean I love him any less than I did when our love was...