Today has been a really rough day for our family. We just found out that my moms' ex boyfriend (of like 14 years) has passed away. Not only that, but he passed away 18 days ago and were just now finding out, not from family but from a random stranger basically. That sucks.
Let me start near the end I guess. When my mom broke up with Don, it was not because he harmed her or was hurtful or a bad person. She put up with a lot of things from him. His drinking being a big one. She was no longer in love for whatever reason and I respect that. I think her staying was maybe worse than her sticking around when she no longer had the feelings he thought she did.
When my mom left Don, she did so quickly. She just up and left, got things that were important to her, leaving the rest for him. She told him she wanted to remain friends, but he called 12 times a day and cried, or begged for her to come back, she just stopped answering her phone. Then he started leaving message after message and then the messages got hurtful and threatening. That is when the police were involved and Don went to jail, to later be released. Upon release he then would call me, and my grandpa again and again. Asking us to ask mom to drop the charges. Crying, cursing my mom. Frankly I got tired of it. I have four kids and a family to look after and could not drop it all to answer my phone and hear about how my mom hurt him. He was then asked, by the police to not contact anyone that had anything to do with my mom. I never got another phone call from Don.
For a while that was fine. I was tired of hearing from him. Several times though recently I had thought about calling him up, with the hopes he was over mom and we could chit chat about recipes and meat sales at walmart and the discount bread rack...I never did call.
So then my mom heard that Don had passed away. No one else had heard that, so it seemed to be untrue. Lights on at his house, his jeep still in the yard, trash was out to the curb this morning. A call to the city coroner confirmed his death, March 2nd 2012. The fact that no one was contacted is a bit harsh. Someone could have gotten ahold of us. My kids were his "GB's" Even though I had not talked to him, he was still Papa Don and I still wished the best for him and hoped for a relationship when the newness of mom leaving was over.
So when someone passes I suppose you always have things you wish you could have told them. I just sit here now and think how he was told not to even contact me, and how I never contacted him and he probably thought I wanted nothing to do with him... which at the time was sort of true, but I loved Don and I wanted our old relationship back if possible. Well I guess now, its not possible.
Don was an awesome guy. When he was not drinking. Don loved to cook. Don is the biggest reason why I can cook now. He taught me all kinds of things about cooking that I would have never known if he had not been a part of my life. I always thought I hated mexican, thinking TACO BELL was mexican. He showed me otherwise. I love avocados and that is thanks to him as well.
Don loved the kids as if they were his own grandkids. He was proud of them and loved them so much. He loved me to, he told me more than once that I was like a daughter to him and introduced me as such, proudly, to his friends and family.
I feel like I let him down, not talking to him, holding his hand so to speak when he was hurting. My mom just up and left and he had no clue she was going to. Of course he was heart broken and wanted to talk, but she is my mom and I of course was with her on her choice.
If I could go back in time, and I know I cant. I would call Don now and then and just ask how he was, telling him to shut up if he wanted to talk about mom. I wished I could tell him about my bulgogi recipe and how much the kids love it, and how I made my own potstickers from scratch and the kids loved them... Maybe even bring some over to share.
I wanted to send him a Christmas card, but never did. Maybe if I had, did he pass not knowing that I loved him, that the kids loved him, does he realize that he is indeed missed and that an empty spot lingers in our hearts for him?
I wished he would not have drank. When he was drinking I was not comfortable being around him, or taking my kids to him, and after mom left,he was drinking, a lot. In fact from what I hear, its what killed him. It just really sucks how people are taken away from you and you don't get a chance to tell them what you wanted to. I just keep wishing it was not really true. I know its true, but if I could talk to him just one more time I would tell him that I love him, and my kids love him, and we wish he was still here, I wish I would have been there for him when he needed to talk, I wish he wouldnt drink. I am thankful for him teaching me to cook, and to taste and avocado that the "dip" sold in the dairy aisle is NOT guacamole. I would tell him that Bailey loves his boyscout knife and his bb gun and wants to shoot a "wild hog" just like papa one day.
Most of all I would tell him I was sorry. For not being there, like the daughter he always said I was. I am sorry Don. I miss you like crazy already.
Let me start near the end I guess. When my mom broke up with Don, it was not because he harmed her or was hurtful or a bad person. She put up with a lot of things from him. His drinking being a big one. She was no longer in love for whatever reason and I respect that. I think her staying was maybe worse than her sticking around when she no longer had the feelings he thought she did.
When my mom left Don, she did so quickly. She just up and left, got things that were important to her, leaving the rest for him. She told him she wanted to remain friends, but he called 12 times a day and cried, or begged for her to come back, she just stopped answering her phone. Then he started leaving message after message and then the messages got hurtful and threatening. That is when the police were involved and Don went to jail, to later be released. Upon release he then would call me, and my grandpa again and again. Asking us to ask mom to drop the charges. Crying, cursing my mom. Frankly I got tired of it. I have four kids and a family to look after and could not drop it all to answer my phone and hear about how my mom hurt him. He was then asked, by the police to not contact anyone that had anything to do with my mom. I never got another phone call from Don.
For a while that was fine. I was tired of hearing from him. Several times though recently I had thought about calling him up, with the hopes he was over mom and we could chit chat about recipes and meat sales at walmart and the discount bread rack...I never did call.
So then my mom heard that Don had passed away. No one else had heard that, so it seemed to be untrue. Lights on at his house, his jeep still in the yard, trash was out to the curb this morning. A call to the city coroner confirmed his death, March 2nd 2012. The fact that no one was contacted is a bit harsh. Someone could have gotten ahold of us. My kids were his "GB's" Even though I had not talked to him, he was still Papa Don and I still wished the best for him and hoped for a relationship when the newness of mom leaving was over.
So when someone passes I suppose you always have things you wish you could have told them. I just sit here now and think how he was told not to even contact me, and how I never contacted him and he probably thought I wanted nothing to do with him... which at the time was sort of true, but I loved Don and I wanted our old relationship back if possible. Well I guess now, its not possible.
Don was an awesome guy. When he was not drinking. Don loved to cook. Don is the biggest reason why I can cook now. He taught me all kinds of things about cooking that I would have never known if he had not been a part of my life. I always thought I hated mexican, thinking TACO BELL was mexican. He showed me otherwise. I love avocados and that is thanks to him as well.
Don loved the kids as if they were his own grandkids. He was proud of them and loved them so much. He loved me to, he told me more than once that I was like a daughter to him and introduced me as such, proudly, to his friends and family.
I feel like I let him down, not talking to him, holding his hand so to speak when he was hurting. My mom just up and left and he had no clue she was going to. Of course he was heart broken and wanted to talk, but she is my mom and I of course was with her on her choice.
If I could go back in time, and I know I cant. I would call Don now and then and just ask how he was, telling him to shut up if he wanted to talk about mom. I wished I could tell him about my bulgogi recipe and how much the kids love it, and how I made my own potstickers from scratch and the kids loved them... Maybe even bring some over to share.
I wanted to send him a Christmas card, but never did. Maybe if I had, did he pass not knowing that I loved him, that the kids loved him, does he realize that he is indeed missed and that an empty spot lingers in our hearts for him?
I wished he would not have drank. When he was drinking I was not comfortable being around him, or taking my kids to him, and after mom left,he was drinking, a lot. In fact from what I hear, its what killed him. It just really sucks how people are taken away from you and you don't get a chance to tell them what you wanted to. I just keep wishing it was not really true. I know its true, but if I could talk to him just one more time I would tell him that I love him, and my kids love him, and we wish he was still here, I wish I would have been there for him when he needed to talk, I wish he wouldnt drink. I am thankful for him teaching me to cook, and to taste and avocado that the "dip" sold in the dairy aisle is NOT guacamole. I would tell him that Bailey loves his boyscout knife and his bb gun and wants to shoot a "wild hog" just like papa one day.
Most of all I would tell him I was sorry. For not being there, like the daughter he always said I was. I am sorry Don. I miss you like crazy already.
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