It's cute

It's cute how I used to think this barely holding it together feeling was temporary.

So blogs. I can never focus on it. I want to keep a running log of this crazy life and then the craziness makes that impossible or seem so.

In May, 2 months ago I got divorced. Just shy of 17 years married it was final. It was ultimately my choice, I paid for it, and I'm not at all unhappy I did it. However that does not in any way, shape, or form mean that it was EASY for me. It's still not easy.

Let's just start with this evening for example. Son has friends over and wants to play his video game. However we have 1 tv and it's in the girls room. He had a monitor a while back and smashed it when he got angry btw.

So he finds someone to loan him a monitor and now he needs a jump drive to update said game. It's 10pm I work at 8. I'm in bed  but I look for a jump drive. Can't find one. Sorry. Then the wifi won't work well it's out power won't come on to it  not much I can do. Agian sorry.

I get back into bed and he comes and tells me that "I am still his son" And I shouldn't be treating him different now that I and his dad are separated. I ask how I'm treating him different and he has no examples to give.

Does anyone call Dad and make him feel like an asshole? was he messing with the wifi or looking for a jump drive or running you to Walmart or any of that??? nope.

So here I now sit at 11pm feeling like a peice of shit once again. Some days I feel good.... So fucking good. I never regret the choice I've made but shit sometimes I feel like a microwaved dog turd on a stick.

I'm sorry I cant fix the wifi and I won't be able to until payday either if I can then. Sucks. I'm sorry you can't play your game with your friends.... Meanwhile I'll get another 5 hours of sleep and work the next 13 days in a row to make sure the lights water and gas stay on.... You're welcome.