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T minus 7 months and counting.

  You know the way a girl gets when she turns 17... Kinda crazy.

 A quote from a song. Never knew how true it could be. When I was 17 I was a mother to an 1 year old baby girl. I never knew when that baby girl was 17 my life, would suck. Or seem to suck. Or her life sucks and it makes mine suck? I don't know how it sucks or why but it does.

 I might not have the best of all things. Like I said I was a young mom. I have worked, and worked HARD to get where I am today. Yes I was on assistance, yes I still am being assisted. There are times I have to get a loan from my mother to buy something unexpected. Yes my in laws loaned us money to buy our van 2 years ago and were still paying them back when any actual car place would have repossessed  the damn thing by now. Yes I've went to food banks, and I shop at Goodwill. But I have NEVER stolen or lied or cheated my way into anything.

 I  might be "just a waitress" but I always do my best. I work hard and I am thankful for what I have, a job a home, healthy beautiful children, a husband who has always stood by me and caught me when I thought I would fall. A mom who is always there to listen, and never judges. In laws who help whenever possible and don't interfere or hold it over our heads. People who UNDERSTAND. Its awesome. Life is good.

 Apparently at 17 it doesn't look so good. I get that I guess. I mean a roof over your head, chauffeur rides all over town, a ride home at 2 am when your not where you should've been. Picked up when you missed the bus. Food in your belly (not always what you want, but food none the less) a warm bed, TV, Wifi, Clothes... I know what am I thinking life is rough.

 Lets see, when I was 17... My dumb ass boyfriend whom I thought I loved was working and I was a stay at home mom. I didn't have cable, or internet. I had a baby to play with. It was amazing. I didn't get new clothes. Hell I didn't even know what was "in style" but when I had some money I'd buy a cute pink bow or new toy or diapers. I had to worry about if the electric got shut off, if I couldn't afford milk or what was for dinner. I HAD TO MAKE THAT DINNER. So life could be worse, but even for me, at 17 life was not bad. I was happy and I made the best of it.

 I just don't understand. I try hard. I want my kids to love me, and I think somewhere somehow I forgot that its more important they RESPECT me. Ive always said I wouldn't change anything if I could go back in time, but now looking back I Think I would be a "mean mom" that she hated, but respected. I dunno. Would it change anything? Is this just who she is? Will this too be a phase? We shall see!

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